If I told you what I did with my spare time would you believe me...... I don't know. Every time I think that I might tell you I lose my nerve and end up "crying myself to sleep", my life now is full of lies and secrets, so many that I 'm feeling sick. I have to eventually tell you but somehow I can't seem to think of the words I have to say. You think that you know about everything in my life and it breaks my heart to tell you that you don't. How would you react if I told you???? Would you hug me and understand or would you hate me....would you stand by me? Would you leave? I know that you'd have less of a problem with my "pass times" if I was simply screwing around but I'm not. I'll have to tell you soon because if I don't I know that you won't ever forgive me, I just wish I knew how. I'm hoping that if I write it down maybe you'll understand and it'll let me say everything I need to I hope.... so far I'm just rambling and not really saying anything Emmy Kay Sans